holiday insane

3 day holiday~~~and i spend 2 day on home without doing any useful thing except on9 all the time and blur under some condition,shit me~~~
anyway,i not feel good during this 2 day too..cos too much thing,that i cant accept the way is it.
I going to be insane!!!~i just cant accept it,i want to voice out but end up not saying it instead keep angry with it.damn!!~

我.自卑

终于，我去考了Foa...结果题目离我读的看的远远不一样，好吧，等死~~我用不到一小时的时间，过后就坐在那一直想，我已经不能了，我失败了，我的两年Diploma,拿不到了~虽然我还有机会重考，但是我的心已经不能了，而且我也不喜欢那科目~~~我家人还不知道，他们以为我考了就拿到文凭，其实我一张大便纸都拿不到，这下惨了，找工不易了~因为少了一张纸，大公司没我的份，有也只是小小职员一位，~~我真的死得了~~因为那张东西，我的薪水也高不了哪里，只有自己做老板才可以改变没文凭，低薪的宿命~
虽然没得到文凭，但是好歹也读过学院，只是没毕业，但是我还是被归类为SPM等级~~

因为这样，我更加自卑，但是我总是表现得不要紧~~
生边朋友都是一纸在手，而且什么都没有，物以类聚，人以群分，我是不是不该.....


我真的很自卑！！！~><

不死就好

Cant Fall Sleep

WTF with me...ya~~i still thinking those problem...$$ Issue~~I dun like this feel..i may be reality with the $$ but i stil dunwant lose myself.

I cant stand along with my $$ was decrease and no much $$ left at my bank.I feel insecure...

一些想法

对我而言，钱可能很重要，也可能不重要，因为我要的不多，可以养活自己就可以了，但是如果要成家立业，钱就不可以只够养活自己了~所以我不交女朋友，也没想过要结婚，因为我给不起承诺，给不起比较好的生活，我不想结婚后因为钱的关系就要吵吵闹闹，如果要吵闹，倒不如不要结婚，害了别人，也连累下一代~
严格来说我很自我，我爱自己，我不想自己受伤害，但是很多时候无名的伤害一而在伤害我，家 ， 它在伤害我，我不满意我的家，虽然我有时还ok,但是长期有不满的情况出现，累计下来的伤会越来越多，多到想离开这个家，但是最终走不了，因为它还是个家，这个家把我锁起来了，我跑不了，我爱家，也恨家，这样我很郁闷，我也做不了什么~
很多事情我控制不了，因为你是你，我是我，东西是东西，事情是事情，想要改变，就要改变很多东西，改变不难，难在习惯不改变，所以将改变变得不宜而且
我的家将我的梦想杀了，嗯嗯嗯.....不要讲是梦想拉，就说我想要的，是我的家杀了我想要的东西，很多可能也跟我一样，因为离不开家，结果苦了自己，跳楼，自杀，离家出走但后来被找回来....有人认为他们的做法很笨，很愚蠢，认为他们自私，没错他们是，但至少他们认为死后那些枷锁会离去，对我来说，这样可能不错，我不是鼓励自杀，只是表现出对于他们的行为，至少他们认为他们解脱了，这样就好~

我要的是我的生活我的方式，但是别人就是喜欢以他们的方式破坏我的方式，我渐渐的丧失我的生活方式，走的是人们的行尸走肉的方式，他妈的！！！！我不要!!!!!!~

I willing go for jail for killing bad guy

回不了

一天一天的，在寻找天堂的路上，看得很多形形色色的人，奇奇怪怪的事情~

因为这些人，这些事情将我的路程给模糊了，看不见路的方向，感觉已经走在错误的路上，虽然是这样，我还是继续走那怕或许这是个考验也或许真的是死路....


这次真的回不了天堂了

对 ‘人’ 的见解

p/s;因为本人懒惰，所以还没开始写，所以等有心情才在写啦~~这个也是个对人的见解哦~XD
突然觉得自己很有文化~~XDDD

我就喜欢

我喜欢一个人吃饭，因为我可以很快吃完不等别人
我喜欢一个人看戏，因为我会把自己放进戏里看戏
我喜欢一个人发呆，因为我在想很多有的没的
我喜欢晚上不睡觉，因为晚上我可以发挥寂寞的威力
我喜欢一个人逛街，因为我可以没有目的的走走
我喜欢一个人乱走，因为这样才感觉有冒险
我喜欢写有的没的，因为写了很爽~XDD

Chance to get Rm1000!!~

AREＹＯＵREADY!!!Clink me!!~



There is alway got chance to win something or earn some extra $$ from internet..But i never understand why people not trust on in,too much cheater or what? whatever~opportunity was there and i try to grab it,so i wish i can get more and more

Just a outstanding picture or a video stand a chance to win Rm1000...Why wait!!!~Let Join!!!!~^^

No person can be like by all people even a superstar got their enemy too.So do i,so why i want make myself so concern about how people look at me?Maybe i dun want other people look negative on me and share the rumor about any bad on me to other and influence their perception on me.

That also 1 of the reason why some my friend dun like other of my friend,because their mind was think different,they cant accept each other the way they are.This problem make me very confuse because i need deal with both of them.Each time i hanging around with a group,i will firstly think the way their are so that not feel like rejected by them.

Now,i realize that impossible for me to alway be different on different people,it hard and not good.

I need help....

Count down for around 2 and the half week for my resit paper.

I very agree with the statement which say 'after work cannot focus back to study' by-ChooPin XDDD

Yup,for myself, i really can't because i hardly to do everything come once.Now intention now was working but studying for my paper was sub-intention. I barely to take out the note and had a look.Is because i give up or what? i not sure but i can sure is i alway got this weakness, FOCUS.

Focus on everything but not 100%,i alway keep some focus on myself rather then something because i scare to fall.i cant handle failed,and a reason for myself too if i fail for something i not focus 100%.Even the thing is like that,but i will try la,at least i try,i not saying how many focus or afford i put,but i will try because never try never know instead saying focus and afford guarantee success.

Respect Issue part 2

Today is my second day of training,but the same issue come up,yeah...i mean that no manner person,even she show 'a bit' participate but end up suck too. Someone told me because people not willing to listen her suggestion and try other method but she refuse and say so bored( because her teammate not accept her opinion) and then not give a damn and do own work aside. WTH....RESPECT RESPECT LA !!!~how old are u,do u learn any manner in your entire life,your behavior was reflex your personal daily life too,which mean u show no manner to other people too often.

I wonder what will happen after this if the trainer was complaint about it? even her teammate speak it out,but she still do whatever and not care. did she use her brain or she think by ass,even the one work with you also bek tahan you la.just they dun say it out,but at least u can feel it!!!~

you know what i gonna tell u, go screw yourself!!!~

Show some respect!!!~

Today went for company training at Cititel. I was bit enjoy because no need to work and can relaxing by learn something new...Today our trainer Deon. From my opinion,i feel he still new,that why he not really get my fully attention.Bless him do better next time :P

But he not my main point,my main point is those attend the training but showing a not give damn action. What a shame,did their realize that they are represent our company,did their even ever give a damn care on the trainer..Stupid fellow not give respect all at and not even show participate in the training too..If u so damn fucking good then u can skip the training la..what for u come and show your fucker face.It was not a good manner.I seriously not happy with this but i not saying a word because i don't like make argument with them,either listen or not,up to them..company had offer a opportunity to them to be a better person,if they resist to participate,then better go suck yourself tomorrow rather then come to show your piss off face.

Home issue

Seriously ....I not hate my family..but just not enough like it.

When my dad ask me some question,either i silent or dun give a damn, because i dun feel to help him either for something i feel not to answer. something he ask was not what i like to do or willing to do.If i say 'No',there will be lot of coming question to me,that why i prefer dun talk a word and get scold by other family member. Whatever,who care,i not give a damn,i don't want find any problem,but mostly my family give me problem which they think not a problem or maybe for other too but for me...family was my problem.

Don't they understand what mean by "No" or "Don't want"....when i mention my word,they will start getting some piss off and ask why why why...OMG...i don't think that i will gonna tell everything a reason before i say a simply statement.

If i had say 'No',then stop for any question,because u making yourself piss off and me either.It was not good feeling,ok!!!!~ I JUST NOT LIKE , I JUST NOT WANT TO DO IT!!~I SAY I DUN WANT!!!I DUN WANT!!!!~UNDERSTAND!!!!~

Inside myself,i had seal my soul in the deep of my heart.No one can even break through it, all my feel,i seal it,i don't want express it out,i don't want give other see my weakness.The best is to hurt other before other hurt me.That how i survivor,that how i not getting hurt by other.

Being strong is not easy,but i still do it even i may look not strong even =).I just hate to show other that i was terrible weak and useless. I was lack of secure,i was too afraid till i cant express it out.

My sister say u so free and no stress,help your dad!~ Halo~~,did i need to show that i so stress or not free,what a funny word from her.i not even want to give her any response. On my point,if u want something,u get yourself,do thing yourself to get what u want.i do apply this to my family member,that why i reject to help them.
i may be so good and so kind to all my friend but my family??? no way~~~i just not understand~~~maybe...maybe i just not satisfied with my family.

I can had lot problem or no problem.because i not really know my problem but the problem was there and i alway feel unsecured all the time.alway....never stop to worry or scare...


I going crazy soon.

迎来新的，但不除旧的

要开始了，至少要不一样，加油~

Day with my Buddy Richard XDD